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[personal profile] topthemonkey
The Top put my collar back on two nights ago, after shaving the underside of my head, to above my ears. I made it clear that a haircut was not something I wanted. He made it clear that he would feel far more at peace with our relationship if he cut my hair. I did what slaves are supposed to do; I made the sacrifice. I did what I was told. I submitted. I put him first.

I have a deep emotional attachment to my hair, and sobbed on and off for hours after he cut it. He was so happy, so proud. I was not and made no pretense. I know I'll get over it. Hair grows.

Yesterday I was still sad about it. He kept asking me what was wrong, what he could do to help. This is an area of our relationship that I'd imagine causes him inner conflict. He wants me to do what he wants; more than that, he wants me to want to do what he wants. That's not always going to be the case.

Sleepovers with my girlfriend have been put on hiatus indefinitely, since shortly after he wrote that last entry. We've been doing day trips during the week, and that's worked out well. There have been times he has been particularly pleased with me (after sucking him off, for example) and offered to let me have a night with my girlfriend. I don't think he's ready for it, I don't think he makes that offer after putting genuine thought into it, so I've said no. I don't want it to be a reward, I want it to be something he is actually comfortable with.

I want to reinforce/reestablish our relationship, as does the Top. Putting my collar back on and cutting my hair helped with this a lot. But those aren't things that can be done on a constant basis. I think we need to spend more "quality time" together. The problem is, the Top and I have differing opinions on what constitutes "quality time." He counts anything that involves us being in the same vicinity. I do not count errands or times when he is at the desk and I am on the couch and we are both on our computers. Cuddling, bedtime story time, going out to eat where it's just the two of us, geocaching, taking day trips - these I think of as "quality time."

We have reinstituted bedtime story time (reading a chapter a night of Bunnicula: A Rabbit-Tale of Mystery by Deborah and James Howe, I think/hope we're going to go through all 7 books) which has helped.
I have been sleeping naked, which I know he prefers, though it makes me uncomfortable (body issues).


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October 2012

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