topthemonkey: (Default)
me: When your butt itches does it make you want to have anal sex?
Top (amused): No.
me (embarrassed): Yeah, me neither.


On a completely different note, the Top and I have been doing a lot of age-play. He's been reading me a picture book each night before bed. I know this isn't inherently age-play, and there's not even a big difference in how he addresses me or anything. It's just . . . a feeling. I love being read to. He missed two nights this week though, it makes me very sad. I feel he owes me two more stories for this, but he is under some silly preconception that he makes the rules in this relationship or something. What madness.
topthemonkey: (krysztof nemeth)
As you may or may not have guessed, the "d" word I mentioned is Daddy. I'm not sure there is a more loaded word in the dictionary for me. I have mentioned this once before, that I have issues regarding my father.


A previous partner and I engaged in age play, wherein I was his "little girl" and he was my "Daddy." When we were engaged in sexual activities and I was approaching climax, he would whisper in my ear "come for daddy" over and over again. I would explode in orgasm, my body bitterly betraying me. But that was a very abusive relationship.

Part of the Top's hesitance to take on a "Daddy" role is due to this past relationship as well as unresolved issues with my father. I don't know if these issues ever really will be resolved. Lee Harrington has said that though age play can be therapeutic it is not therapy. I agree. I know this (age play with someone with daddy issues) is a minefield. The Top doesn't really want any shrapnel. I don't blame him.

But I think Daddy/child age play could be a good thing for me. I don't want something sexual, as it was with the previous partner. I just want the Top to hold me and tell me that he loves me. Which we do anyway, but there's a different mindset, y'know?


I find the history of the Daddy/boy dynamic in the bdsm community interesting. Go here for a brief summary. There's also a strong Daddy/boy tradition within the leatherdyke community, which I find even more intriguing, since it messes with gender. You can read a bit about that here and here. If there's an expressed interest, I have access to the latter article and can re-print it in full (though technically not legally I suppose).
topthemonkey: (Default)
This post is going to be about age play. My understanding of it, as well as what aspects of it appeal to myself and the Top.






The Top and I have differing interests in age play but enough overlap for it to work. His interest is primarily in the caregiver role; age play allows him to be a caregiver on a different, in many ways deeper, level than usual. My interest is more varied.

I like feeling helpless.
Though when we play I am not always pre-verbal, I also like having my speech taken away or restricted.

I like feeling taken care of. Like the Top's fondness for the caregiver role, age play allows for this on a deeper level.

An aspect that many people tend to overlook regarding age play is that it gives a transgender person the opportunity to go back and be a different gender than the one they were raised, to receive validation as a child as the gender they are now (or were then but didn't receive validation as).

Another interest is going back and getting needs met now, as a child, that I didn't get then. I'm going to address this in another entry as it touches on the "d" word.

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October 2012

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