The monkey has always had trouble with sleep since loooooooooong before we were together, for at least 12 or 13 years. From nightmares, to insomnia, to meds causing her to need more sleep than normal (by a LOT (not that much anymore, I think, since I got used to them). She's also had trouble with keeping my sleep schedule as any normal human being would (I need five hours a night when sufficiently left to my own drugs, meaning caffeine).
The monkey is also having trouble listening to her body telling her to eat. Well, yes, because I spent years training myself to ignore these messages.
Both of these things (hygiene (how is eating hygiene?) and sleep) are cautious indicators of depression.
For example, even though I've stressed this Wednesday, and made her wake up and eat some breakfast (which wasn't the best, it was donuts, but it was SOME food -- throughout the rest of the day, until I got home, she had eaten nothing more than tea with a little milk. I ate a second donut!)
Wednesday morning, with her mostly unconscious, I put the training collar back onto her ankle. For the uninitiated, this is your basic dog-training collar, zipped way small, and modified to accept a padlock through the buckle. She asked me Wednesday night if she could have it off, and I told her "no".
I woke her up yesterday morning, and she was literally begging to be allowed to return to bed.
Unfortunately, I don't feel I can trust her right now to do what needs to be done. Probably wise.
My rules are simple, right now. This is all I want:
- I want a slave who will eat within an hour of waking.
- I want a slave who will shower within an hour of waking.
- I want a slave who will eat at least one more meal on her own thereafter.
Those two (nutrition and hygiene) are non-negotiable. Then, either of the following:
- I either want a slave who will wake up with me. She'll be woken up when I do either way, to take her meds, but I want her to stay awake at that point.
- I want a slave who will go to bed when I do. If I am getting tired, my slave should take that as a cue to encourage me to go to bed. If I am under some kind of deadline where I must stay up (this is worse now that I am no longer a three minute drive from the office) then she should differentiate that as "he should be asleep but has to stay up for work, however, I should still sleep." I totally suck at going to sleep by myself.
If possible, I'll take both of the above, a slave who will cuddle up to me at bedtime, and will wake up cheerfully (ha! me? wake up cheerfully?) and let me ahem use her before I go off to work. This could still ideally be accomplished by way of a mid-day power-nap (naps fuck me up, though I love them and sometimes need them) (so long as an alarm were used (I hate alarms)). Ideally, this could be done after lunchtime (the meal she always forgets to have) -- and doing so could even be made a condition of having eaten.
That's the basics. Another very important "basic" is Schoolwork. Not doing ANYTHING ELSE (housework, punishment writing assignments (which I've only had once), exercise) is excusable if schoolwork is the reason. But Schoolwork is a place I expect the monkey to be able to self-govern and trump me on priorities. But when the depression kicks into high gear . . .
I want my dress code enforced. I like skirts, corsets, white button-down shirts, and clean white socks. I've bought these for my slave. I like school uniforms (male-styled or female) and am willing to buy those as well. I feel being allowed to dress in what the monkey likes is a privilege that shouldn't be considered "earned" just yet. I would wear t-shirts and jeans everyday if I could.
I want the monkey shaved. All the time. I'm willing to give this up if the monkey shows sufficient advancement in the above areas. I haaaaaaate shaving.
I want the monkey to get regular exercise. This means walking around our neighborhood, using the Wii-fit, playing DDR, using the exerbike we now posses in the garage, coming to work with me and using the exercise room there, etc.
I want the monkey a tad more independent. (Ironic.) Being comfortable with taking the bus-to-the-train-to-the-city, being quasi-able to get to her own therapy appointments (i.e. coming to work with me and finding her way from there). Getting a part time job, or a volunteer position (as a bonus, if she did this she wouldn't have to wear what I want, as the job would trump that -- so long as they were okay with her collar). If she gets a job I'd like to see her monies go into savings for the most part. I have no problems covering her -- the point to a job is more to help the way she feels, let her establish some savings. I wouldn't mind seeing her get a driver's license.
Last night, after telling the monkey "I'll be home late, feed yourself", I got home to find the monkey hadn't. So I fed her (not literally, though that would have been arousing), and then, before bed, I stripped her to her underwear and put her in her cage...I told her, sincerely, how important it was to me that she be able to take care of herself in these minor regards. I am no longer working 2 miles from home, I have an hour's commute now. I told her I was disappointed. I told her she needed to do better.
After talking to her sternly for a bit, I had her lay down on the bed and gave her a few strokes of our punishment-tool (which I'm at the moment calling the hydra). She bucked, hard, but didn't scream out. I'm proud of the way she took it. I don't like having to see her tense up and shake the way she did.
I have no problem with doing this until I don't have to anymore, i.e. until she learns. I'm traditionally a slow learner.
Back home, there were negative influences -- the other slave in the house routinely slept till well past noon.
This morning, she got up with me, ate breakfast, showered, and called to ask permission to go back to bed. I granted it -- because I believe this acclimation will take time. A long time.
However, I expect to come home to find her wearing her cuffs. I expect her to have had another meal. I expect her to have a report for me of what schoolwork she's done.
These are Not Unreasonable Expectations.
If she's done these things, then maybe at bedtime her training anklet will come off. Of course, if it does, it's going to be kept right by the bed, at the ready, for the next few days/weeks.
I love my monkey, and this is going to be difficult.