topthemonkey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
topthemonkey) wrote2008-03-08 05:29 pm
topthemonkey) wrote2008-03-08 05:29 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
I've been very troubled by this going home business. If I had a set date, I could emotionally prepare and then go through with it.
But it's just been hanging over my head for the past MONTH and there have been at least three times I started to pack and then it turned out, oh, not happening after all.
Last weekend we took a drive and ended up approximately 2.5 hours from my house and the Top mentioned that he could drop me off. I didn't bring any of my stuff with me because he told me that wasn't happening. I got rather upset, and didn't/still don't feel like he understands.
The Top makes plans last minute and has no issue with this. He doesn't seem to understand why I panic. But it's different for him as he's the one making the changes in plans. My travel plans are subject to his whims.
Another part of why I'm anxious about this: I used to love trains, had no problem traveling by myself, but now it makes me very anxious. I think this is due in large part to how confined I've been kept. I feel like the Top is cultivating my social anxiety.
But it's just been hanging over my head for the past MONTH and there have been at least three times I started to pack and then it turned out, oh, not happening after all.
Last weekend we took a drive and ended up approximately 2.5 hours from my house and the Top mentioned that he could drop me off. I didn't bring any of my stuff with me because he told me that wasn't happening. I got rather upset, and didn't/still don't feel like he understands.
The Top makes plans last minute and has no issue with this. He doesn't seem to understand why I panic. But it's different for him as he's the one making the changes in plans. My travel plans are subject to his whims.
Another part of why I'm anxious about this: I used to love trains, had no problem traveling by myself, but now it makes me very anxious. I think this is due in large part to how confined I've been kept. I feel like the Top is cultivating my social anxiety.