(no subject)

(The Top and I discussing our dream house.)

The Top: I'd definitely want a basement. For the playroom.
me: I hate basements.
The Top: Well, it could be insulated and furnished and carpeted and . . . then it wouldn't really be much like a basement.

bad dreams

I had a very upsetting dream last night, that the Top and I broke up.

He took my collar off and it didn't need a key or anything. Just grab and off it slipped. I was standing between him and X (I think he is what broke us up, in the dream) and I took it very pragmatically. Just turned and left with X, made plans to move back to the East coast and get back together with my former Master.

But when I woke up, I was incredibly upset. When the Top came home I was so desperate for physical reaffirmation of his desire to keep me.


For the past week or two the Top hasn't seemed to be interested in things sexual or bdsm, mostly because of stress-related stomach and groin pain. He's also spent even more time than usual at work. This has given me more time to focus on my schoolwork, which is good, I guess, but it's made me feel unwanted and unsatisfied.

I miss a time when play wasn't something I had to remind the Top I needed. Now it's something we'll do later, tomorrow, over the weekend.

I don't want to force anything. I know I'm a slave and that it's the Top's prerogative not only when and how he plays with me, but whether he does so at all.

A lot of potential slaves don't realize that, I think. They picture all this non-stop flogging and fucking but if the person who owns you *doesn't* want to do those things with you, doesn't have the time, other things have to come first-you just have to suck it up.