topthemonkey

me: When your butt itches does it make you want to have anal sex?
Top (amused): No.
me (embarrassed): Yeah, me neither.

On a completely different note, the Top and I have been doing a lot of age-play. He's been reading me a picture book each night before bed. I know this isn't inherently age-play, and there's not even a big difference in how he addresses me or anything. It's just . . . a feeling. I love being read to. He missed two nights this week though, it makes me very sad. I feel he owes me two more stories for this, but he is under some silly preconception that he makes the rules in this relationship or something. What madness.

As you may or may not have guessed, the "d" word I mentioned is Daddy. I'm not sure there is a more loaded word in the dictionary for me. I have mentioned this once before, that I have issues regarding my father.

( background on my father )

A previous partner and I engaged in age play, wherein I was his "little girl" and he was my "Daddy." When we were engaged in sexual activities and I was approaching climax, he would whisper in my ear "come for daddy" over and over again. I would explode in orgasm, my body bitterly betraying me. But that was a very abusive relationship.

Part of the Top's hesitance to take on a "Daddy" role is due to this past relationship as well as unresolved issues with my father. I don't know if these issues ever really will be resolved. Lee Harrington has said that though age play can be therapeutic it is not therapy. I agree. I know this (age play with someone with daddy issues) is a minefield. The Top doesn't really want any shrapnel. I don't blame him.

But I think Daddy/child age play could be a good thing for me. I don't want something sexual, as it was with the previous partner. I just want the Top to hold me and tell me that he loves me. Which we do anyway, but there's a different mindset, y'know?

I find the history of the Daddy/boy dynamic in the bdsm community interesting. Go here for a brief summary. There's also a strong Daddy/boy tradition within the leatherdyke community, which I find even more intriguing, since it messes with gender. You can read a bit about that here and here. If there's an expressed interest, I have access to the latter article and can re-print it in full (though technically not legally I suppose).

This post is going to be about age play. My understanding of it, as well as what aspects of it appeal to myself and the Top.

( What is age play? )

( What is age play not? )

The Top and I have differing interests in age play but enough overlap for it to work. His interest is primarily in the caregiver role; age play allows him to be a caregiver on a different, in many ways deeper, level than usual. My interest is more varied.

I like feeling helpless.
Though when we play I am not always pre-verbal, I also like having my speech taken away or restricted.

I like feeling taken care of. Like the Top's fondness for the caregiver role, age play allows for this on a deeper level.

An aspect that many people tend to overlook regarding age play is that it gives a transgender person the opportunity to go back and be a different gender than the one they were raised, to receive validation as a child as the gender they are now (or were then but didn't receive validation as).

Another interest is going back and getting needs met now, as a child, that I didn't get then. I'm going to address this in another entry as it touches on the "d" word.

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Entries tagged with age play

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the "d" word

coming out of the age play closet

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October 2012

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