topthemonkey | Entries tagged with orgasm control

The monkey and I have joined our local dungeon/play space. We went to orientation earlier this week where we toured the facility (but didn't play because the monkey had forgotten his ID), and last night, we used the place for the first time.

I should mention that when I met the monkey two years ago, playing in public was very much a hard limit. I wouldn't say "very much." Some time at a fetish con, and living with a few kink-friendly people have changed that somewhat, but a new place with new people is still a stressful experience.

We got there around eight, after having dinner with incredibly slow service in a normally-good Mexican chain, but the monkey was having a bizarre personal fixation problem: he wanted a new pair of shoes, because he's been stubbing his toes rather a lot lately. In fact, he had been obsessing over this for most of the evening, despite the fact that I felt he wouldn't be wearing them most of the time. In my own entry I'll explain this. Anyway, after signing in, we ran out again to do this:we were in an unfamiliar area, and finding a shoe store proved rather stressful. We eventually found a PayLess, but I'm generally not a fan since they tend to fall apart. The monkey did his usual retail-female-uncertainty thing, trying on several pairs of open-toed things and mid-height heels (I did not try on any open-toed, and I wasn't being uncertain I was trying to find a pair that fit) (neither of which would do anything to offset the accident-proneness), and we eventually settled on a nice set of male dress shoes for him.

I got him back to the playspace, stripped him to his underwear, took his glasses, and put him into a small floor-cage while I went and used the bathroom. I took out some toys and laid them out on a chair and on top of the cage, and went and attached one half of our suspension cuffs to some ceiling-chains that were nearby. I exposed his back, and his butt, and got going.

However, after bare-handing him a few times, I started to see the angry expression: the expression that shows the monkey's going to break, going to snap and take an alternate, Sybil-like tone, and get aggressive with me. He growled a few times. I pushed a bit, encouraged him to communicate more, told him it could stop any time, and we kept going. I used a crop, a rod (both very nice things), as well as both of my deerskin floggers on him. (I love this new flogger, it's just so pretty. I really need to put a picture of it up here at some point.¹.) He told me that his arms were tired (I said my shoulders were starting to hurt and I'm trying to be more conscious of such things since I've started regularly going to a chiropractor), and he needed something to lean against, and I moved him over to a very heavy St. Andrews Cross: really well made, with adjustable restraint points. I put the suspension cuffs up on those, and as his tits were just straddling the "X", put a set of clamps on those as well, so if he backed off, the chain would tug. I continued flogging, quite hard, with the Big Flogger, really developing a good rhythm and form.², moving along to my other toys, the rubber one occasionally, covering his entire back side pretty well. I wasn't going for catharsis or anything like that, but it got to the point where I could hear him sobbing, and I looked and found his nose runny. I got him some tissues and let him down, and after some brief cleanup we headed to the "cooldown area", a lounge of sorts, and met some of the group. The timeline there is a little messed up. I was crying a good portion of the time I was on the cross, the Top knew and asked me if I wanted to continue and I said I did.

I cannot express enough how awesome and comfortable these people made me feel. While I of course don't mention names (hell, even our own), it was a very friendly, fun crowd, easily relatable, and very accommodating. I got a chance to play show and tell with our suspension cuffs, and ~~tell~~ brag about the deal we got on them, and the like.

After some others proceeded in for another round of playing, we did too. This time we wound up in the "medical play" room, where I tied the monkey to a stirrup table with a plethora of a rope, put a spreader bar between his legs, and gagged him with a roll of vetwrap (as in, just popped the roll in his mouth). This is the condensed version. A few people walked through the room while we were going at it, all were respectful, none conversed unless I started it, but I tend to like over-the-shoulder conversation. At one point, a couple giving a tour peeked quietly in. The Top waved at them. It was very surreal.

We hadn't brought any lube, or a vibrator, unfortunately: I had told the monkey to, but he had felt that he wouldn't be at that level of comfort on this trip. Consequently the only lube we had was some SurgiLube that was already there, and I worked him up for what was probably close to 45 minutes before he dried out and my arm started getting tired. He tried to tell me through the gag that he needed more lube and how to better finger-fuck me, but I was trying to be cautious as we'd never used this product before. He seemed okay with it, so I slathered it in, and went back at it. Another few minutes of (ahem) deep tissue massage, and he was ready to come. However, I need to mention something here...when I thought he was getting close, I *ordered* him to come, and he did, within a few seconds. This...amazes me. It's been a stressor before, both for him and for me, gives him performance anxiety, and he handled it so well. I think a big factor in that is I'm trying to let myself go and be more obvious when I feel myself getting close and the Top has also gotten better at picking up on when I'm on the verge of orgasm.

Again, cleanup. Again, back out to the cooldown area. The ride home was nice, too, we talked a lot. I shared some radically honest things about an ex, and the best sex we had ever had (the ex and I). I also related that because this dungeon requires condoms for vaginal and anal penetration, that I didn't think I'd be having much sex there. I revealed to the monkey that there's a loss of some sensation since my hernia surgery. Not a lot...just coupled with the additional loss of sensation of a condom, it's just not...nice. I like the closeness of flesh on flesh; I think once the monkey gets his wisdom teeth out and his TMJ under better control, we may do more oral there.

Thoughts for future visits:

I need some kind of transporable gear carrier. I ideally like the "street salesman" case, a suitcase with unfoldable legs type thing, but other things are workable and my mind's now going at it. I am in favor of buying a case from For Your Nymphomation, perhaps this. Or just a good duffel bag.
The lockers they have there are just a few inches too short for some of our impact toys. But they bend.
Other people I'm working with have expressed nervousness at public play but feelings of being okay with being a helper, one to go get water and get me toys, and otherwise observe. I'm thinking a blue play-collar (get it?) for this purpose might be great. Oh look, sub-shop's having a sale, and this is on sale too.
Buying some food in advance. I'm thinking hitting the nearby subway would have probably been a good idea. This kind of stuff is exhausting. I really only like Subway sandwiches immediately after they're made. Otherwise the dressing soaks in and it's oogy.
Other things, I'm sure. Things the monkey will add, I'm sure.

1. Hell, I need to have one of the slaves photo-catalogue all our toys here, and rate them on cost, history, and pain factor.
2. I believe flogging is somewhat an art and a technique, and I'd actually like to make up a flogger Kata

Current Mood: otay
Current Location: Here
Current Music: None

...said the monkey this morning.

We were up late last night. And I was drinking coffee. Caffiene does...insane things to my libido. Unfortunately it also makes your ejaculate taste disgusting.

Sex in the usual positions I like has been on hold since we've had the whole "ikea-auto-collapsing-bed" issue, but last night, after we got to bed very late (like 4am), the monkey began to get me off with her hand...and I, being wired and tired at the same time...expressed all my fantasies for her: branding her, tattooing her, piercing her (the only one of these I can see realistically happening in the near future), locking her in a pet-crate on the back porch for others to come along and pick up, and take away, to use however they wanted. At one point, I forbade her to use the word "I" until I came. Which I really liked. I wouldn't want to do third-person all the time, but once in awhile I enjoy it.

I think I really pushed her into subspace pretty hard with it (agreed), and combined with the nighttime effects of her meds and the late-night crazy, it formed a nice place she could get into mentally. I'm not sure what you mean by this.

After I had, she asked if she could get herself off...and I talked her through this as well...telling her that eventually, she'd be body-trained so she wouldn't be able to get off without my orders...that her whole body was my property, and how much I loved it when my property took care of itself.

In the end, she was able to orgasm (rather powerfully) on command -- despite not being gagged, plugged, or whatnot (and she usually takes quite a bit of stim, there). This is something that a year ago she would have had so much trouble with. Well, it helped that there was A LOT of build-up and that you weren't like "1, 2, 3, orgasm".

While we were at it, we discussed some interesting perspective items that may have only come to me in the odd mental state that comes from being tired on a lot of caffiene...but even now they make perfect (if not perverted) sense. I have no idea what this is referring to.

I'm so proud of my pretty, pretty slaveboy.

Orgasm control, particularly the ability to orgasm on command, is something the Top is very interested in.

I am less enthusiastic for various reasons. I need more than one hand to count the number of male lovers who said my vagina was "broken" because I couldn't orgasm readily for them from whatever stimulation they were providing me with. Orgasms and I have a touchy relationship.

It is difficult for me to reach orgasm quickly. It requires a lot of stimulation, physical and otherwise. Other people being present makes it even more difficult, but sometimes I can't even orgasm by myself.
When the focus is on my pleasure, I get anxious and worry that my partner is getting bored or tired. If this goes on for more than 10 or 15 minutes, I will ask them if I'm boring them and tell them they don't need to do this.
Most of the time when I try to reach orgasm and fail, I cry. I feel like a huge disappointment. And if I'm trying and not getting there but haven't given up yet, it's the same deal
If someone is telling me to orgasm or If there is the threat of punishment if I do NOT orgasm, I get anxious and it becomes more difficult.
If someone is beating/slapping me while I'm trying to orgasm, I lose focus and it becomes more difficult.

So I don't know how training me to orgasm on command is going to go. I told the Top I don't feel I'm ready, but he thinks I am. Last night he tried to start and told me I'd go to the basement if I couldn't and it just didn't work at all.
Later in the evening though, he just sat next to me and held me and let me use a vibrator as long as it took and then I was able to.

The monkey was rather bad a few days ago.

She masturbated herself to orgasm, without permission. She confessed to me immediately after she had done it, but by that point it was too late. She had done this in an attempt to get herself to sleep, for an appointment the next day. The appointment was a half-hour's drive away and at 9:15am. This was well after 3am. I tend to turn into an insomniac at home and I couldn't take my sleepy drugs because I would've slept through the appointment.

Later (last night), when I had her in front of me, I locked a leather collar on her, attached a leash and I asked her if it had occurred to her to actually *ask*. She told me that it had, but that she had not asked because she didn't want to bother me.

Which would bother me more? Getting a text message asking permission? Or getting a message telling me of standing orders being disobeyed. I'm guessing these are rhetorical questions.

I gave her a choice: be dragged to the basement, and be restrained and receive the crop, or have her body shaved bare. I appreciated this. I hate the basement.

(While I *prefer* this look on a slave (I think it looks/feels gross and it makes me feel vulnerable in this really upsetting way), I won't make it mandatory if they're really against it. My boy likes to be able to grow it out, so as long as he's well-behaved I'll let it happen.)

I put a bulb gag on her, stripped off her remaining clothes, placed a dropcloth (read: cheap plastic shower curtain-works very well) on the bed, and went and got the razor and the shave gel that smells sickly sweet and fruity.

Before I started, I gave her the final choice, pointing at her naked body. "Are you sure this is your choice?" She nodded.

I lathered her up, and shaved her mound bare, warning her that as soon as possible she would have to finish the job (as I wouldn't go very close to going inside). This was kind of disappointing. The act of being shaved (not how it looks or feels after) has the potential to turn me on a great deal, but that's really the shaving of the lips, which he pretty much stayed away from.

After I was done, I pulled her to sitting up using the leash, and shaved her armpits as well.
She laid back down and I looked her over, satisfied with her look. I took her gag off, and told her that she was forgiven for her transgression.
Then, with a beautiful, shaved slave laying before me, I put on a condom and began to penetrate her.

As we went on, she asked if she could masturbate. "If I get off before you do, you not only lose your chance, but you'll be punished, boy."

I took advantage of the situation, and ordered her to come. It's kind of arousing but at the same time, especially combined with the above statement, it made me feel pressured which makes me very anxious which makes it a lot more difficult to reach orgasm. I have to stay focused and make a concerted effort. Told her that she *had* to get off, and she masturbated furiously for the next 30 minutes, with me hard inside her the whole time. And I started crying at least twice from frustration, which isn't terribly unusual for me when attempting to reach orgasm with another person.

The whole time I was yanking on her leash (which caused the collar to dig into me and leave itchy red marks), pinching and twisting her nipples (that helped a lot), thrusting inside of her, and grabbing at her ankles.

When she came, I was able to feel her orgasm around me, and wasn't able to hold back any further, so I finished inside of her, rapidly. Which, if he had pounded me that hard to begin with, I might have finished a lot sooner. But maybe not and then the chance would be gone so I get why he held back.

We both fell, exhausted, for a few minutes, before showering quickly (he said I could shave my lips later), then going downstairs to eat and drink, and eventually, falling asleep.
I was incredibly drained, dehydrated, hungry, faint, dizzy, nauseous, and just emotionally overwhelmed. Penetrative sex tends to have that effect on me, the last bit anyway. I just wanted to crawl into a cold shower by myself and sob. I had a difficult time standing and walking as well as getting down the little food I did eat and keeping it down. I felt miserable. I believe I said that I never wanted to have sex again. An hour later, after I had showered, eaten, drank water and juice and taken some Rolaids, I felt a LOT better.

It was a very nice night. I just wish I had something before we started about being dehydrated and hungry.

Now, as I write this...I am feeling aroused once again.

***summons the boy***