...awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp, shock...

Note that I started writing this entry at: 2008-06-22 17:12:52

I've just ordered the monkey to go upstairs, strip naked, and get in his cage and wait for me.

What I haven't told him is that he's about to be punished.

One of the things that we agreed upon, very early on, was that the monkey's meds were important. Critically so. He's been punished in the past for not having them on him, and I've also been annoyed in the past when it's been broken to me that "I'm out of X".

We were away from home last night, in a strange place where the monkey had never been before, and the monkey forgot his night-time (nightmare-preventing) meds.

[Time passes]

7PM:

I found him upstairs, in BED, rather than in his cage as I had asked. He got seven strokes, mainly across his ass. I didn't punish him for being in the bed, as he had honestly mis-read our IM conversations when I said "cage". I really don't understand how that happened. It was over quickly enough. This is not a part of our lifestyle I find pleasant.

[Later that day]

2AM:

I found him in the bed twice more today...right before we went to sleep I gagged him, bent him over his cage, and gave him another six strokes. Even with the gag, he screamed pretty hard, burying his face in the clothing on top of the cage. He screamed and cried so hard. Said he felt "vulnerable" and "distant" after. I fell asleep pretty quickly, and feel bad I couldn't have held him longer after. I didn't want to be held. At all.

There are times I'd like to let this slide. But I can't. He signed the contract. Which means he's going to learn to respect my property. Or sleep on the floor. Once he's done being sick, there's going to be more consequence for removing his tether, too. Maybe I'll "lock" it with some of those breakaway seals.

The Monkey's Needs...

The monkey remarked last night that I needed to have money available for her to go to therapy. Two weeks of therapy plus one psychiatrist visit runs me $360. (130 + 110 + 110).

As I wanted this out of the way, as soon as possible, I decided I was going to take the monkey out with me.

I ordered her, last night, to go upstairs, strip out of her shorts (her shirt, I said, could stay on) and put on a towel, and also to get on her cuffs and link them.

She came downstairs, appropriately bound, and I quickly switched her cuffs so that, instead of linking just her wrists, both wrists were tethered to the D-ring on her collar.

I escorted her out to the car, and once I had her buckled in, I undid her towel so she was sitting bottom-naked. She remained like that, hands on her collar, exposed, for the entire 20-minute trip to the ATM.

When we got home, I re-wrapped the towel as best I could, and made her carry the money for her appointments into the house in her mouth.

It was after that, that I ordered her upstairs to wait in her cage for me -- I only came in for a moment to turn off the lights and lock the cage door, while I showered and got ready for bed. Some 25 minutes later I would take her out of her cage for the punishment described in the previous entry.

(no subject)

I got punished at least twice yesterday for several infractions. The Top wrote about it one or two posts ago. I don't think he really conveyed just how much I screamed and writhed. Screamed. Continuously. My throat was sore for hours after. And unlike after other punishments, I did not want the Top to hold me after. I didn't want him to touch me. I think he felt guilty. He asked me several times if I thought he was a sadist, if I thought he enjoyed hurting me like that, etc. He told me that I was a good boy, a good slave, that I was forgiven.

The most difficult part of punishments is accepting the forgiveness the Top offers afterwards and forgiving myself. I mean, enduring it is hard, but that's finite, that's going to end. The guilt doesn't have a finite period.