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Neither of us posted about it, but I bit the bullet and made an appointment with a therapist. It's later today, in San Francisco. It took a lot for me to do that.
I've only been to San Francisco a couple of times, I've only taken public transportation there once when we first moved here, and I've become a lot more anxious about, well, doing stuff independently I guess. Since before the Top and I got together but it's increased a lot with him.
So as is totally not unusual for me I wrote out very carefully what buses and trains I would have to take, how long the rides were, departure and arrival times, alternate times in case I was early or late, fare costs, and walking directions when necessary. I figured I was going to have to walk from the Top's work to the bus station to get going on the first leg of the trip, and getting there would take an hour and a half. Getting back would take more like two. All of this took some times. I was told the Top wouldn't have a car, so I couldn't count on a ride to a train station to eliminate at least one bus portion of the trip.
The Top comes home yesterday and tells me that not only does he have a car but for work he's going to have to be in San Francisco (though not near my therapist) so I can just take one short train ride to my therapist.
I . . . was upset. The Top did not understand, as he saw this as making life easier for me. And, yes, in the long-term (shorter long-term?) it does. But immediately it means I have to throw out the pages of painstaking directions I made and start all over again. A lot of effort wasted. I realize that the situation changed, new information was received, etc. But I really hate changing plans last minute, especially when I've planned it all out so thoroughly.
I emotionally prepare myself for things to go a certain way. This gives me a sense of confidence and stability, when I'm so thoroughly dependent on the Top and incredibly anxious about going farther than the driveway by myself.
OK, now the Top tells me that he will be leaving San Francisco far before I will be done with therapy. He's had this information all along. I guess he figured it would be obvious to me. I'm really glad he told me this before we got going and I left the return directions at home, leaving me to figure out a two hour trip involving two buses and a train without schedules or anything.
The Top has admitted that he "flies by the seat of his pants," changes plans last minute all the time, and enjoys this. I do not enjoy these things, for the previously stated reasons. The Top does not seem to understand this. The change in plans make the trip there shorter, cheaper, and easier for me. He told me I could go in the way I planned, which would be sort of ridiculous.
This time the last-minute change in plans is not his fault, I know. I don't mean to blame him. It's just distressing to me.
I've only been to San Francisco a couple of times, I've only taken public transportation there once when we first moved here, and I've become a lot more anxious about, well, doing stuff independently I guess. Since before the Top and I got together but it's increased a lot with him.
So as is totally not unusual for me I wrote out very carefully what buses and trains I would have to take, how long the rides were, departure and arrival times, alternate times in case I was early or late, fare costs, and walking directions when necessary. I figured I was going to have to walk from the Top's work to the bus station to get going on the first leg of the trip, and getting there would take an hour and a half. Getting back would take more like two. All of this took some times. I was told the Top wouldn't have a car, so I couldn't count on a ride to a train station to eliminate at least one bus portion of the trip.
The Top comes home yesterday and tells me that not only does he have a car but for work he's going to have to be in San Francisco (though not near my therapist) so I can just take one short train ride to my therapist.
I . . . was upset. The Top did not understand, as he saw this as making life easier for me. And, yes, in the long-term (shorter long-term?) it does. But immediately it means I have to throw out the pages of painstaking directions I made and start all over again. A lot of effort wasted. I realize that the situation changed, new information was received, etc. But I really hate changing plans last minute, especially when I've planned it all out so thoroughly.
I emotionally prepare myself for things to go a certain way. This gives me a sense of confidence and stability, when I'm so thoroughly dependent on the Top and incredibly anxious about going farther than the driveway by myself.
OK, now the Top tells me that he will be leaving San Francisco far before I will be done with therapy. He's had this information all along. I guess he figured it would be obvious to me. I'm really glad he told me this before we got going and I left the return directions at home, leaving me to figure out a two hour trip involving two buses and a train without schedules or anything.
The Top has admitted that he "flies by the seat of his pants," changes plans last minute all the time, and enjoys this. I do not enjoy these things, for the previously stated reasons. The Top does not seem to understand this. The change in plans make the trip there shorter, cheaper, and easier for me. He told me I could go in the way I planned, which would be sort of ridiculous.
This time the last-minute change in plans is not his fault, I know. I don't mean to blame him. It's just distressing to me.
