moaning, the not sexy kind

I'm feeling really homesick but I don't want to visit because I'm kind of afraid I might not come back. It's been really hard for me here. Sometimes it feels like it's getting better, and then other times it really, really doesn't.

I know my mental health has improved a lot since the Top and I got together, but I feel like I've been doing nothing but backsliding since we moved to California. I have a great new therapist, that should help. I still feel so alone here, vulnerable and scared. And guilty. Because the Top loves his new job, loves living here, loves me, and I feel like I'm dragging him down, though I know he doesn't feel that way.

I thought writing this would make me feel better, and instead I just feel worse.