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topthemonkeyAnyway, on the subject of my frustrations with therapy. Arguably, this could be its own post. If anyone (the monkey included) thinks so, let me know and I'll make it as such.
This isn't the first missed appointment we've had. It was the first I missed with my psychiatrist. I've missed ONE with my therapist. Some of which have involved me driving out 15 miles away in heavy traffic both ways at 6:30 only to find the appointment was at 4:30. I think there was another one, too. And quite frankly? This is the monkey's mental health and well-being. If she's not going to be RELIGIOUS about this stuff, then I don't know what she should be fastidious about.
We'll couple this with something that stresses me out a lot, and I might as well list the figures here. Each weekly therapy appointment runs me $110, each psychiatrist appointment (everytwo to four weeks) runs me $130. Plus the cost of the meds (about $75 a month? It is DEFINITELY less than that). Plus the time it takes me off of work to go to these more-often-than-not during-the-day appointments. I schedule them as late as I possibly can. A one hour appointment kills about three hours during my work day. And they're not group sessions. They're sessions during which I sit in the car (much as I am doing now), and try to get something done, phone calls made, anything.
And I *gladly* will pay it to have her get the care I need. -raises eyebrow- The care YOU need, sir? Actually that was supposed to be "the care I need to know she's getting" but it does sound rather freudian like that doesn't it...? I will gladly do this all for her -- but it's critical to realize here, that I can ONLY do this by virtue of the job that I'm being pulled away from...so there NEEDS to be some level of prioritization here.
In theory, all this money gets receipts, which are then to be filed off to the monkey's insurance company for reimbursement -- it's covered by her stepfather in another state. Factors we don't know are a) where the claim check gets mailed to (my stepfather, as he is the policy holder), b) when it will come (within 30 days of their receiving it, if there are no problems with it), and c) who it will be made out to (again, my stepfather, the policy holder). I say in theory because I recently (as in yesterday) found out the last claim they made had been rejected because they couldn't read the doctor's handwriting (since when is that supposed to be legible?) -- and this too is a sore point, there were literally weeks upon weeks where I kept patiently expecting the monkey to file these claims, only to find some reason they hadn't been done. I knew they were important but you gave no repercussions whatsoever for my not filing them. During that time I was having a lot of trouble giving you repurcussions for not doing things. At this time -- please get it filed by next wednesday. If you need anything, ask me. Fair?
I believe the state right now, at this very moment is that even though the monkey knows the last claims were rejected, the new ones have not been filed. I could be wrong. Please let me be wrong. It's been one day. ONE. DAY. See above.
At this point I've more or less accepted the fact that I'm throwing -- have literally thrown -- thousands of dollars into a black hole, and that this is the cost of having a mentally healthy monkey. Yes I'd love it if he could figure out the local buses/public transit and get himself to these things. I'd probably also be very happy if (as my original plan was) that his reimbursements were cyclic -- i.e. that he sent them in once a month, and that as the checks came he'd use them for future care, on a rolling basis. Then again, I'd be perfectly happy if either of these two therapists would take a credit card (such as my HSA account, which has $1200 just sitting in it, and is MADE FOR STUFF LIKE THIS).
The monkey's also on a lot of medications -- she normally needs 8-10 hours of sleep a night. A new drug she's on the past few months makes her need a solid 12 . I hate this medication. It doesn't even always work. It works really, really well for the first 2 weeks, when it knocks me out. Then it sort of wears down as it makes me sleep less.
She's being treated for depression -- and yet the DRUG CAUSES THE MOST OBVIOUS SYMPTOM OF DEPRESSION. Well, technically, that drug is one for high blood pressure with eradicating nightmares as an inadvertent side effect that I'm taking it for, not depression. Yes, but depression overall is one of the base things you suffer from -- either as a disorder on it's own, or as a symptom of other disorders, it's a big warning sign. And we've been over the warning signs on my own end from this kind of sleep.
Since the monkey only likes to go to bed with me (and it's 2am as I write this) it's pretty much a given that the monkey will not be awake before 3PM tomorrow. This has sadly become the norm. This is what I've been like since before I was even on medication. If I stay up late, I'm going to sleep late. A lot of people are like this. I will always need more sleep than you do. Yes, but this sleep is...deeper...can't wake up for anything kind of sleep. I've told her to discuss this with her doctor, and he insists that this effect should fade. It's only been how many months now, of increasing dosages? It does fade. Then he ups the dosage and it starts again. But now I'm at a plateau and I'm going to see how this works out. Because as the side effects subside and start to fade, so does the drug's effectiveness? I'm leery there.
This stuff is not always so easy. There's kinda more I want to say, but it's already getting long here.
This isn't the first missed appointment we've had. It was the first I missed with my psychiatrist. I've missed ONE with my therapist. Some of which have involved me driving out 15 miles away in heavy traffic both ways at 6:30 only to find the appointment was at 4:30. I think there was another one, too. And quite frankly? This is the monkey's mental health and well-being. If she's not going to be RELIGIOUS about this stuff, then I don't know what she should be fastidious about.
We'll couple this with something that stresses me out a lot, and I might as well list the figures here. Each weekly therapy appointment runs me $110, each psychiatrist appointment (every
And I *gladly* will pay it to have her get the care I need. -raises eyebrow- The care YOU need, sir? Actually that was supposed to be "the care I need to know she's getting" but it does sound rather freudian like that doesn't it...? I will gladly do this all for her -- but it's critical to realize here, that I can ONLY do this by virtue of the job that I'm being pulled away from...so there NEEDS to be some level of prioritization here.
In theory, all this money gets receipts, which are then to be filed off to the monkey's insurance company for reimbursement -- it's covered by her stepfather in another state. Factors we don't know are a) where the claim check gets mailed to (my stepfather, as he is the policy holder), b) when it will come (within 30 days of their receiving it, if there are no problems with it), and c) who it will be made out to (again, my stepfather, the policy holder). I say in theory because I recently (as in yesterday) found out the last claim they made had been rejected because they couldn't read the doctor's handwriting (since when is that supposed to be legible?) -- and this too is a sore point, there were literally weeks upon weeks where I kept patiently expecting the monkey to file these claims, only to find some reason they hadn't been done. I knew they were important but you gave no repercussions whatsoever for my not filing them. During that time I was having a lot of trouble giving you repurcussions for not doing things. At this time -- please get it filed by next wednesday. If you need anything, ask me. Fair?
I believe the state right now, at this very moment is that even though the monkey knows the last claims were rejected, the new ones have not been filed. I could be wrong. Please let me be wrong. It's been one day. ONE. DAY. See above.
At this point I've more or less accepted the fact that I'm throwing -- have literally thrown -- thousands of dollars into a black hole, and that this is the cost of having a mentally healthy monkey. Yes I'd love it if he could figure out the local buses/public transit and get himself to these things. I'd probably also be very happy if (as my original plan was) that his reimbursements were cyclic -- i.e. that he sent them in once a month, and that as the checks came he'd use them for future care, on a rolling basis. Then again, I'd be perfectly happy if either of these two therapists would take a credit card (such as my HSA account, which has $1200 just sitting in it, and is MADE FOR STUFF LIKE THIS).
The monkey's also on a lot of medications -- she normally needs 8-10 hours of sleep a night. A new drug she's on the past few months makes her need a solid 12 . I hate this medication. It doesn't even always work. It works really, really well for the first 2 weeks, when it knocks me out. Then it sort of wears down as it makes me sleep less.
She's being treated for depression -- and yet the DRUG CAUSES THE MOST OBVIOUS SYMPTOM OF DEPRESSION. Well, technically, that drug is one for high blood pressure with eradicating nightmares as an inadvertent side effect that I'm taking it for, not depression. Yes, but depression overall is one of the base things you suffer from -- either as a disorder on it's own, or as a symptom of other disorders, it's a big warning sign. And we've been over the warning signs on my own end from this kind of sleep.
Since the monkey only likes to go to bed with me (and it's 2am as I write this) it's pretty much a given that the monkey will not be awake before 3PM tomorrow. This has sadly become the norm. This is what I've been like since before I was even on medication. If I stay up late, I'm going to sleep late. A lot of people are like this. I will always need more sleep than you do. Yes, but this sleep is...deeper...can't wake up for anything kind of sleep. I've told her to discuss this with her doctor, and he insists that this effect should fade. It's only been how many months now, of increasing dosages? It does fade. Then he ups the dosage and it starts again. But now I'm at a plateau and I'm going to see how this works out. Because as the side effects subside and start to fade, so does the drug's effectiveness? I'm leery there.
This stuff is not always so easy. There's kinda more I want to say, but it's already getting long here.
