suck it up buttercup
Mar. 10th, 2009 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
topthemonkeyLast night was really nice. The Top tied me up with rope in a sort of hog-tie, scratched me with his nails, fucked me, and let me masturbate while he fucked me with a dildo. It was the first time my panties were used as a gag. It was nice to taste and smell myself throughout the play.
Yesterday and today he seemed a lot more willing to spank me. Not that he's usually unwilling per se . . . It's just that he's always stressed over one thing or another, super busy at work, tired when he gets in, and now that we're in a hotel noise is somewhat of a concern. I like good hard play at least twice a week, with (near) daily pain and orgasms. I am craving force and brutality so hard lately. I feel like I have to pester him constantly for days on end to get one night of what I need.* And while I'd like to reassure myself that he doesn't do anything with me unless he wants to, sometimes I'm afraid I'm pressuring him. I want to let it just happen naturally but when I do that it happens once every few weeks.
He was talking about getting my nipples and clit hood pierced to make me "feel more like a slave," since I said I hadn't really as of late. But that's not going to solve anything really. Regular enforcement of rules would make me feel like a slave.
I am feeling tempted to break rules and act out just to get punished and I hate it. I'm really not a brat and I don't want to be one. The other night he playfully slapped me on the ass when we were in bed and I was immediately on the verge of tears because that is just a fraction of what I have been craving so desperately lately.
*But is it a need or a want? This is what I have difficulty figuring out. I can live without it, sure, but having it regularly contributes positively to my general emotional/mental well-being and health. I know I'm a slave and it's his decision, so I'm trying to "just deal with it." With marginal success.
Yesterday and today he seemed a lot more willing to spank me. Not that he's usually unwilling per se . . . It's just that he's always stressed over one thing or another, super busy at work, tired when he gets in, and now that we're in a hotel noise is somewhat of a concern. I like good hard play at least twice a week, with (near) daily pain and orgasms. I am craving force and brutality so hard lately. I feel like I have to pester him constantly for days on end to get one night of what I need.* And while I'd like to reassure myself that he doesn't do anything with me unless he wants to, sometimes I'm afraid I'm pressuring him. I want to let it just happen naturally but when I do that it happens once every few weeks.
He was talking about getting my nipples and clit hood pierced to make me "feel more like a slave," since I said I hadn't really as of late. But that's not going to solve anything really. Regular enforcement of rules would make me feel like a slave.
I am feeling tempted to break rules and act out just to get punished and I hate it. I'm really not a brat and I don't want to be one. The other night he playfully slapped me on the ass when we were in bed and I was immediately on the verge of tears because that is just a fraction of what I have been craving so desperately lately.
*But is it a need or a want? This is what I have difficulty figuring out. I can live without it, sure, but having it regularly contributes positively to my general emotional/mental well-being and health. I know I'm a slave and it's his decision, so I'm trying to "just deal with it." With marginal success.
