topthemonkey: (Default)

The monkey and I have joined our local dungeon/play space. We went to orientation earlier this week where we toured the facility (but didn't play because the monkey had forgotten his ID), and last night, we used the place for the first time.

I should mention that when I met the monkey two years ago, playing in public was very much a hard limit. I wouldn't say "very much." Some time at a fetish con, and living with a few kink-friendly people have changed that somewhat, but a new place with new people is still a stressful experience.

We got there around eight, after having dinner with incredibly slow service in a normally-good Mexican chain, but the monkey was having a bizarre personal fixation problem: he wanted a new pair of shoes, because he's been stubbing his toes rather a lot lately. In fact, he had been obsessing over this for most of the evening, despite the fact that I felt he wouldn't be wearing them most of the time. In my own entry I'll explain this. Anyway, after signing in, we ran out again to do this:we were in an unfamiliar area, and finding a shoe store proved rather stressful. We eventually found a PayLess, but I'm generally not a fan since they tend to fall apart. The monkey did his usual retail-female-uncertainty thing, trying on several pairs of open-toed things and mid-height heels (I did not try on any open-toed, and I wasn't being uncertain I was trying to find a pair that fit) (neither of which would do anything to offset the accident-proneness), and we eventually settled on a nice set of male dress shoes for him.

I got him back to the playspace, stripped him to his underwear, took his glasses, and put him into a small floor-cage while I went and used the bathroom. I took out some toys and laid them out on a chair and on top of the cage, and went and attached one half of our suspension cuffs to some ceiling-chains that were nearby. I exposed his back, and his butt, and got going.

However, after bare-handing him a few times, I started to see the angry expression: the expression that shows the monkey's going to break, going to snap and take an alternate, Sybil-like tone, and get aggressive with me. He growled a few times. I pushed a bit, encouraged him to communicate more, told him it could stop any time, and we kept going. I used a crop, a rod (both very nice things), as well as both of my deerskin floggers on him. (I love this new flogger, it's just so pretty. I really need to put a picture of it up here at some point.1.) He told me that his arms were tired (I said my shoulders were starting to hurt and I'm trying to be more conscious of such things since I've started regularly going to a chiropractor), and he needed something to lean against, and I moved him over to a very heavy St. Andrews Cross: really well made, with adjustable restraint points. I put the suspension cuffs up on those, and as his tits were just straddling the "X", put a set of clamps on those as well, so if he backed off, the chain would tug. I continued flogging, quite hard, with the Big Flogger, really developing a good rhythm and form.2, moving along to my other toys, the rubber one occasionally, covering his entire back side pretty well. I wasn't going for catharsis or anything like that, but it got to the point where I could hear him sobbing, and I looked and found his nose runny. I got him some tissues and let him down, and after some brief cleanup we headed to the "cooldown area", a lounge of sorts, and met some of the group. The timeline there is a little messed up. I was crying a good portion of the time I was on the cross, the Top knew and asked me if I wanted to continue and I said I did.

I cannot express enough how awesome and comfortable these people made me feel. While I of course don't mention names (hell, even our own), it was a very friendly, fun crowd, easily relatable, and very accommodating. I got a chance to play show and tell with our suspension cuffs, and tell brag about the deal we got on them, and the like.

After some others proceeded in for another round of playing, we did too. This time we wound up in the "medical play" room, where I tied the monkey to a stirrup table with a plethora of a rope, put a spreader bar between his legs, and gagged him with a roll of vetwrap (as in, just popped the roll in his mouth). This is the condensed version. A few people walked through the room while we were going at it, all were respectful, none conversed unless I started it, but I tend to like over-the-shoulder conversation. At one point, a couple giving a tour peeked quietly in. The Top waved at them. It was very surreal.

We hadn't brought any lube, or a vibrator, unfortunately: I had told the monkey to, but he had felt that he wouldn't be at that level of comfort on this trip. Consequently the only lube we had was some SurgiLube that was already there, and I worked him up for what was probably close to 45 minutes before he dried out and my arm started getting tired. He tried to tell me through the gag that he needed more lube and how to better finger-fuck me, but I was trying to be cautious as we'd never used this product before. He seemed okay with it, so I slathered it in, and went back at it. Another few minutes of (ahem) deep tissue massage, and he was ready to come. However, I need to mention something here...when I thought he was getting close, I *ordered* him to come, and he did, within a few seconds. This...amazes me. It's been a stressor before, both for him and for me, gives him performance anxiety, and he handled it so well. I think a big factor in that is I'm trying to let myself go and be more obvious when I feel myself getting close and the Top has also gotten better at picking up on when I'm on the verge of orgasm.

Again, cleanup. Again, back out to the cooldown area. The ride home was nice, too, we talked a lot. I shared some radically honest things about an ex, and the best sex we had ever had (the ex and I). I also related that because this dungeon requires condoms for vaginal and anal penetration, that I didn't think I'd be having much sex there. I revealed to the monkey that there's a loss of some sensation since my hernia surgery. Not a lot...just coupled with the additional loss of sensation of a condom, it's just not...nice. I like the closeness of flesh on flesh; I think once the monkey gets his wisdom teeth out and his TMJ under better control, we may do more oral there.

Thoughts for future visits:

  1. I need some kind of transporable gear carrier. I ideally like the "street salesman" case, a suitcase with unfoldable legs type thing, but other things are workable and my mind's now going at it. I am in favor of buying a case from For Your Nymphomation, perhaps this. Or just a good duffel bag.
  2. The lockers they have there are just a few inches too short for some of our impact toys. But they bend.
  3. Other people I'm working with have expressed nervousness at public play but feelings of being okay with being a helper, one to go get water and get me toys, and otherwise observe. I'm thinking a blue play-collar (get it?) for this purpose might be great. Oh look, sub-shop's having a sale, and this is on sale too.
  4. Buying some food in advance. I'm thinking hitting the nearby subway would have probably been a good idea. This kind of stuff is exhausting. I really only like Subway sandwiches immediately after they're made. Otherwise the dressing soaks in and it's oogy.
  5. Other things, I'm sure. Things the monkey will add, I'm sure.

1. Hell, I need to have one of the slaves photo-catalogue all our toys here, and rate them on cost, history, and pain factor.
2. I believe flogging is somewhat an art and a technique, and I'd actually like to make up a flogger Kata

topthemonkey: (v)
The Top has been requesting for several days that I write an entry on recent events concerning flogging. I've started this entry many times, both in lj and in my notebook. There were a lot of aspects for me to process. This is an explanation of what a cathartic flogging is, as I imagine the term is new to many people reading this. I didn't really know either, though I had an instinctive idea of what it involved. There have been times, two years ago, when I was flogged and experienced a catharsis because of it.

The Master we're staying with was beating me with various devices and cathartic flogging came up. I agreed to do it. The Master explained to me that it was going to be an intense, spiritual experience and that we (both myself and the Top) had to trust him. I trust perhaps too easily, but I do not feel it is misplaced in him (the Master). He said he wouldn't let me down and he didn't.

I was facing the closet door with my feet flat on the floor and suspension cuffs holding me up. He (the Master we're staying with) had his slave put on music and he began to beat me with a long, heavy leather flogger.
The Top was watching, I know, though I couldn't see him. I knew this was going to be difficult for him, though in a different way than it was going to be difficult for me.
The Master explained that there was no "yellow" here only "red". He was going to keep flogging me until I had reached catharsis. He gave me a mantra to think and/or say. I don't remember exactly but it was that I wanted to go there (there being catharsis), I wanted him to take me there. He said throughout that I was in a safe place and it was safe to let go.

The beating lasted what felt like a long time. I had a lot of difficulty with the whole "letting go" part of it (what a shock). I hold a lot of pain in my body, a lot of trauma. It hurts less to hold it than to let it out. But with the cathartic flogging, I didn't really have a choice, which is part of why I wanted to do it.
The Master said that I fought him throughout it, which I recall. I struggled to maintain my grip on the cuffs (though they would hold me up fine even if I didn't) and to stay standing, even as I sobbed harder and slid farther down.
There are a lot of things that could have arisen during the flogging, but what came out was my father. Again, such a shock. I have a lot of trouble with issues surrounding my father because I feel like to let go would be to let him go.

But with the flogging, I didn't have much choice. The Master was going to keep going until I broke. Which, finally, I did. When I fell to my knees he pressed the panic snaps. The Top was there immediately, helping me to lie (lay?) down on my side. I was still crying. I couldn't sit up to drink but I needed water so the Top soaked a washcloth with my water bottle and let me suck on it. This was repeated until someone thought to wrap ice in the washcloth and have me suck on that. Sucking . . . is a primal, natural, comforting thing for me. That and the water helped a lot.

The Master's slave (and possibly the Master?) took off my cuffs and the slave rubbed my feet a bit and then petted my hair. I cried on and off, feeling weak and helpless and drained. I said that I wanted my Daddy, that he didn't love me anymore, that I couldn't lose him, over and over. The Top said what comforting things he could. It was strange to be having such a vulnerable moment in front of two near-strangers and not be at all self-conscious. Strange, but good.

When I finally stopped crying, we talked about what had happened, how I felt, etc. I didn't feel as "cleansed" and "light" as I expected to but I felt very relaxed. I think this is due to the fact that I have a lot of shit to get out, and that was only part of it. My upper back looks like I have a lot of purple freckles and the skin beneath my neck especially is rather tough.

I'm thankful to all those involved, whether they're reading this or not. I wouldn't want to repeat the experience every day, but I can see doing it at least once a month.

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October 2012

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