Buying gear at sub-shop recently.

This is what I just sent to the owner of sub-shop.com

Autumn,

I just received my most recent order from sub-shop.com, after waiting on a few backordered pieces. It wasn't worth the wait.

I realize most of the things I bought are sale items, at a close-out rate (and probably discontinued from here on out), but I have several things I picked up from you a few years ago, and the quality of items sold is just not what it used to be.

The plastic ballgag trainer you sold: I can tell why it's on sale. But what your site doesn't do is allow customers to provide feedback, or make notes about comfort of one item over another (more expensive one). I've since modified it to remove the plastic ball, and I'll probably be putting my own ball or bit in.

Your current "web of desire" training collar is made of a fairly rough material, and the work is pretty shoddy. The material's misaligned, not cut straight, the thread colors aren't even a close match. The material's also much rougher and less wearable. While no photo exists that can let you "feel" the materials, I'll probably go through in my blog and do a side-by-side photo comparison of other aspects later.

Looking at a model from a few years ago, when it was available only in black, made by a company called "Bondo", they were much better. (Do you have contact info for them? I'd like to get more from them.)

I notice the same thing in my cuffs. The first cuffs I ever bought from you in mid-2000 were comfortable and saddle-soft, although I've since had some parts replaced. Subsequent ones were rougher and not as wearable (and I'd since contacted you about it.)

I realize you've had to grow quite a bit, as BDSM got more popular. I also realize there's margin decisions being made here, and the economy is hard.

Anyway, while I'll be picking up the occasional sale, I don't think I'll be recommending sub-shop anymore, to anyone.

-Me

An amusing text interchange

a friend is in the area, interested in meeting up for lunch

Me: I don't often get to that part of the city, but I own property in the area...who can recommend a place for foodz.
Him: That was a beautiful ellipses.

Giving back to the community

Originally Started: 2009-08-13 17:37:27

I resurfaced a massage table (which had a 6" gash in it previously, exposing the padding) at our local playspace yesterday.

I'm about 85 percent happy with the work I did, although a better tool to have onhand might have been a canvas stretcher. I'm a little annoyed I didn't get before and after pictures, but in rebuilding this, I've managed to see how REMARKABLY simple a thing is to construct, and how easily I could build the same myself with four pieces of "leg stock", minimal hardware, a single plank, and a piece of plywood.

If I felt like really going out, I could try to copycat it with hardwoods, or well-stained pine, or actual "turned" legs.

Either way, I've since had a chance to test it in, ahem, more serious use. And the person laying on it (the monkey) claims it's much nicer than before (I used some pretty top-shelf pleather on it).

We had to move a large router today at work

Originally Started: 2009-08-06 20:19:18

When I say "large router" I mean in a rolling box the size of a refrigerator.

We were moving it in a large pickup truck, and no less than three coworkers (two of whom were above me in the chain of command) wryly complimented the pretty multi-colored rope (dark blue and orange MFP) I had found to secure the stuff.

Am I that transparent?

on orgasms and stressful sex

Sex can be so frustrating.

Sometimes, it's really difficult for me to reach orgasm. I've grown to accept this over the years. I can be stimulated, not reach orgasm, and still enjoy myself. I can even try to reach orgasm and not, and still enjoy myself. I often feel guilty when that happens, though. My partners are overwhelmingly male and they overwhelmingly take my not orgasming as a sign that they've done something wrong, they've failed in some way, everything leading up to that was wasted, etc. And sometimes they project all that insecurity onto me, and blame me for it.

Often pain and pleasure are conflated for me. One slight adjustment of the nipple clamps (or any slight physical adjustment) and the pain can become more than I want at that time. I'm usually pretty okay with that. If you want me to orgasm, however, that's going to take me a few steps back. My pain tolerance fluctuates, even moment to moment, as does my desire for pain. It can be frustrating for any and all involved parties, but really only if all the emphasis is on my achieving orgasm.

People put a lot of emphasis on the finish line. It's really not about that for me. It's stressful when my partner makes it all about the finish. Is someone tired, thirsty, hungry, getting a cramp? We can stop. It's not a marathon. You're allowed to take breaks. You're allowed to stop altogether.

You know what makes for a good "performance"? Being giving. Allowing yourself to receive. Not taking it too seriously. I'm not saying orgasms aren't good. I like having them. I like having a lot of them. I'm not saying they should be completely incidental. But they're also not the be-all end-all of sex.