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topthemonkeyI was incredibly hurt by something the Top said earlier tonight.
We were discussing an FTM friend (who hasn't transitioned at all) who may be visiting in the near future. I slipped and used female pronouns, partly because the Top only uses female pronouns when referring to this friend.
We got into a discussion about pronouns. The Top likes using "they," which makes the English major in me cringe. You, the reader, have obviously noticed his fondness for switching between male and female pronouns. I have mixed feelings about this personally. I prefer male pronouns when I'm feeling more male and female pronouns when I'm feeling more female; unfortunately, I often feel uncomfortable updating people, even the Top, on my gender state. And it can fluctuate quite often.
The Top is strongly against gender-neutral pronouns, whereas I see them as a good compromise. The Top's main objection seems to be that using them in mixed company inevitably involves explaining to cisgendered people (who don't have transgendered friends or family) what they mean. I expressed a lack of compassion. I accepted years ago that I would be explaining shit like this to people pretty often in my life. The Top needs to accept that being with me means that he's going to have to do that, too. In a respectful way. Matter-of-factly.
The specific scenerio that was mentioned was using gender-neutral pronouns to refer to this FTM friend in front of the Top's coworkers. The Top objected strongly to this, as he would have to explain what they meant to people he works with. I didn't understand why this was an issue. I was hurt by this.
So what's he going to do when/if I transition? Get breast reduction surgery? Go on testosterone? Just hope nobody notices? That they would be too embarrassed to say anything?
We were discussing an FTM friend (who hasn't transitioned at all) who may be visiting in the near future. I slipped and used female pronouns, partly because the Top only uses female pronouns when referring to this friend.
We got into a discussion about pronouns. The Top likes using "they," which makes the English major in me cringe. You, the reader, have obviously noticed his fondness for switching between male and female pronouns. I have mixed feelings about this personally. I prefer male pronouns when I'm feeling more male and female pronouns when I'm feeling more female; unfortunately, I often feel uncomfortable updating people, even the Top, on my gender state. And it can fluctuate quite often.
The Top is strongly against gender-neutral pronouns, whereas I see them as a good compromise. The Top's main objection seems to be that using them in mixed company inevitably involves explaining to cisgendered people (who don't have transgendered friends or family) what they mean. I expressed a lack of compassion. I accepted years ago that I would be explaining shit like this to people pretty often in my life. The Top needs to accept that being with me means that he's going to have to do that, too. In a respectful way. Matter-of-factly.
The specific scenerio that was mentioned was using gender-neutral pronouns to refer to this FTM friend in front of the Top's coworkers. The Top objected strongly to this, as he would have to explain what they meant to people he works with. I didn't understand why this was an issue. I was hurt by this.
So what's he going to do when/if I transition? Get breast reduction surgery? Go on testosterone? Just hope nobody notices? That they would be too embarrassed to say anything?
